14 March 2006

amerifreakcan idol...

yeah... i see you looking at that date up there, but no, smartypants, i didn't mess up... i actually did write this post last night (tuesday) so daddy (who's out of town) could have something to read (especially since he didn't get into his room in time to see american idol). then i realized that A) he didn't have access to a computer last night and B) he doesn't really care about this crap any more than i do, so i went to bed, thinking today i'd just use the rest of the post i wrote yesterday (but couldn't because stupid blogger wouldn't let me load up any pictures). continuing with my flawless logic, i then figured i could save this idol crap for tomorrow, and enjoy the fact that i'd be free from actual blog topic pressure for almost two whole days! sweet, huh? but then mommy saw on the news that starbucks is giving away free coffee today from 10-12 (didja hear about this, busymom? i'm guessin' you did!) and all my blogging plans were suddenly shot to blogger hell. i don't have time to tweak yesterday's post for today so i guess i'll just use it tomorrow. and use last night's... today. this all makes sense, right? no? well, guess what? i don't care!
lordy. it's been a long night. 2 hours, to be exact. two long hours watching the contestants on american idol sing stevie wonder songs. mind you, mommy loveloveloves stevie wonder, but she's had some experience singing his stuff, and says it's reallyreally difficult to perform, which tonight's idol contestants proved, with very few exceptions. so let's get to the gettin', and score this puppy, shall we? time's a wastin' and i need to go to bed:
1. ace: ace. baby. sooooo pretty. keep smiling that pretty smile of yours, and for godssake, don't sing any more stevie wonder songs. nice touch with the tears after meeting stevie, tho', you definitely have that sincerity thing down. paula almost had an orgasm just looking at you. did i mention how pretty you are?
2. kellie kellie kellie kellie: you probably won't go home this week, but don't ever sing a song like that again, k? otherwise someone's gonna have to come out there and bitch slap you off the stage.

3. elliot: for cryin' out loud el-lee-ott! you have a wonderful voice, but you mustmustmust stop singing such boring songs. or, stop singing songs in such a boring way...or... whatever. stop it.

4. mandissa: you are a fabulous singer. most of the time. not tonite.

5. bucky: i'll say this for you, bucko, you claim you'd never heard a stevie wonder song before, and yet you sang superstition exactly the way joe cocker did--if his name had been bucky and he had those teeth and that southern accent. not bad. but, y'know somethin' bucky? i'm not sure it was a good sign when simon asked you about your jessica simpson hair-do. guess that was a hair-don't huh?

6. melissa: you forgot the lyrics? i'm thinkin' you can forget idol.

7. kevin: what is your freaky deal, little man? you scare me. you so do not belong on this show, and yet, i'm guessing you'll make it through another week. but watch your nerdy little ass, kevster, those 9 year old girls can only stay up so late... the grownups will be calling in their votes long after the kiddies have gone to bed.

8. lisa: you are lovely. and you're quite the talented little vocaliast. are you sure you're only 16?

9. katherine: well kat, weren't you the special one tonight? all cute 'n sassy 'n singin' your song really well and holding on to your dress and looking ...er... cute 'n sassy? guess you'll be around at least another week.

10. taylor: the fact that you look so spazztastic when you dance is the coolest thing ever. the fact that you have such a great soulful voice doesn't hurt, either. don't dye your hair--even tho' the 12 year old girls won't vote for ya, mommy might.

11. paris: okay. your song was really good (even tho' i still think you're channeling some dead jazz singer) but guess what little girl... you don't get to sing encores just because you got a compliment or two. you just don't. trust me. it was obnoxious and it was just enough to get your ass tossed off that stage for good. i'm just sayin'...

12. chris: dang dude, you're good! mommy likes you, not just because you have such incredible stage presence, but because you remind her of the guy who did that tattoo on her ankle. daddy likes you because dang you're good! still... why are you on idol? shouldn't you be, like, famous already?

so that's my rundown, and, unless i miss my guess, we're all agreed, right? that tomorrow nite tonite bucky and/or melissa will be kicked to the curb? good. my work here is done.

oh, and for inquiring minds who wonder, i may or may not decide to go ahead and finish yesterday's post and use it later today... it kind of depends on how soon mommy can get that coffee and how many naps and/or treats i can squeeze in before she gets back. still, i like the idea of holding it until tomorrow. then again, i could always save it and use it day after tomorrow... or next week. the point is, i have a choice to make and a nap to take. and not necessarily in that order.

"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps." ~ Author Unknown


Blogger Dirty Butter said...

I agree with your Mommy, puppytoes, that Chris is so good you can't help but wonder why he's not already famous.

But I'm glad he's on AI, because I doubt seriously if I would have heard him, labeled as a "Rocker," if he were on the radio.

15/3/06 2:35 PM  
Blogger gingajoy said...

yup, ace has my vote (if i mute the television). lovely, lovely (squeaky) ace.

actually, i like elliot best, but also concerned. and of course, chris is best...

15/3/06 2:50 PM  
Blogger W. J. St. Christopher said...

I'm sure Kevin is a very nice boy, but America, I'm beggin' ya . . .

15/3/06 6:02 PM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

Hey there...thanks for the great LA scoop. It's my home away from home so yes, I'm with you on the back roads suggestion! I'll take Olympic over the 10 any day.

Nice little place ya got here by the way. Glad to have found it.

15/3/06 6:04 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

How have I not found you before?! Puppies and pop culture! I'm dying, just dying. I found you by way of Mom 101 and I'm glad I did. Loved this post!

Yeah, why isn't Chris famous yet? Sexy, great voice, stage presence... between Chris, Taylor and Ace they're saving this show.

15/3/06 8:14 PM  
Blogger schnoodlepooh said...

I didn't get any free Starbucks and that sucks because I am a big customer of theirs, but I don't really like coffee, and they weren't giving away lattes, and the lines were probably too long anyway, but we'll probably go by there tonight on the way to the post office to pick up the mail, and I'll give them yet another $4.00 or whatever, I sure do seem to spend a lot of money there, I guess I should own stock, but I don't, I don't even really like Starbucks company, Howard Schultz seems like an asshole, so I try to support the smaller latte stands that are on every street corner, but I have to admit that I do like lattes from Starbucks and their frappacino drinks are hard to beat.

15/3/06 8:42 PM  
Anonymous Joel said...

Thank you sweetie! A very thoughtful gesture.

I love you and I'm very glad to be home!

15/3/06 8:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

American Idol is absolute CRAP!!!!! I can't stand the idea behind it and I hate the people that are on it. Look all of you talentless motherf**ckers out there. It takes hard work and dedication to be a musician. Not primping your hair, dressing like a slut and strutting around like you are God's gift to music.

16/3/06 1:42 AM  
Anonymous Rob In China said...

Not all of the contestants dress in approriately and strutt around (?).

Some of them have worked hard and their entire lives have been dedicated to music. Some of them even already had albums released before they got on the show. The current rule is that you can not be under a contract while on the show.

So, I think your comment does not reflect the true nature of the contestants.

16/3/06 4:26 AM  

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