07 March 2006

it's only coffee...

non-stupid-coffe-order-related update: 8 march 2006 @ 6:44pm e.s.t.
let the games begin president bush... the dubai/ ports/ controversy ball is in your court. [read here] (score one for the good guys?)
[the following post was actually done 8 march 2006, @ 4:23 pm e.s.t.]
okay, maybe it was a triple-grande-soy-no-whip-mocha, the point here is that mommy was really looking forward to it. really. looking forward to... it. so imagine her chagrin when she pulled up to the curb outside her local starbucks, boy #2 hopped out to go purchase aforementioned beverage, and finally came back almost 15 minutes later... with the wrong drink.

didja get everything? she asked as he climbed back into the car.

i got something but not what i thought it was that i asked for he replied

what? i don't even know what that means she responded, for, in fact she didn't know what that meant.

huh? oh, i mean i asked for one thing but they gave me something else and when i told them it was wrong they said "that's not what it says here on the cup" so i took it.

no no no no. that's not okay. i need that mocha, and, with god as my witness, i will have that mocha, even if i have to make the f*cking thing myself.

so, mommy hopped out of the car (an act that, in and of itself, pissed her off, because the whole point of taking boy #2 to starfreakingbucks in the first place was that he was gonna do the hopping out/walking in/ordering of the thing. but--once again--i digress.) soooo... mommy hopped out of the car, walked back in to the store, waited her turn, and politely told the girl in dreadlocks (which mommy thought were cute) at the counter what she needed, then proceeded to give the f*cker ass dumbshit guy mixing the coffee confections her actual order. he smiled, and said to mommy but someone wrote "c" (for caramel) on the cup, to which mommy, also smiling, said then someone wrote it wrong. so the guy smiled and steamed the soy milk, and smiled as he spooned froth on top and smiled as he drizzled a little chocolate on top, and smiled as he handed the cup to mommy and told her to have a good day. mommy walked out, patting herself on the back for standing up for her mocha-craving self, hopped back into the car and drove off. then she took a sip.

okay. i know what a triple-grande-soy-no-whip-mocha tastes like, and i'm pretty freaking sure this isn't it. she handed her cup to boy #2, who took a sip

what the f*ck? this tastes like shit.

mommy teared up. the only thing she had wanted at that moment in life was a delicious triple-grande-soy-no-whip-mocha, and, instead, she got a cup of shit. she drove around the block, pulled up to the curb outside her local starbucks, hopped out of the car--cup in hand (veryvery pissed, 'cuz, remember, this is hop-out-of-car-part-deux) and went back inside. eventually she caught the eye of the f*cker ass dumbshit guy, who said (smiling) something wrong?

well, you tell me mommy said handing the cup to the guy. i don't think this tastes like a triple-grande-soy-no-whip-mocha. i think maybe ya not only forgot the extra shot of espresso, but you forgot to put the syrup in, as well. which, basically makes this steamed soy milk.

the guy took the cup, took a sip, and at first looked at mommy like okay, i guess i'm gonna have to indulge this delusional bitch but then mommy noticed a funny look cross his face so she asked did i make that up? no, he said smiling sheepishly, it's not quite right. (for, of course, it wasn't. it was a cup of over-steamed soy milk with a little froth and drizzle added in for effect. it was, in fact, shitty.)

to make a long story a little longer, after much steaming and mixing and frothy panache, mommy finally got her drink. at least the soy-no-whip-mocha part of it. a second sip and quick peek at the side of the cup told mommy that the f*cker ass dumbshit idiot guy had forgotten to add in the extra shots of actual coffee. mommy just shook her head, smiled, and walked away muttering her favorite line from the mel brooks film, high anxiety: that guy... gets no tip!

the end.

author's note: when mommy got home, she took a bite of boy #2's starbucks snickerdoodle cookie, only to discover it was so stale she had to spit it out. then, after mommy finished her drink, she developed crippling gas pains, which told her the drink had been made with milk, not soy, after all. when mommy can walk again, she's going to go back to starbucks, kick some inept starbuckian ass, and take names later.

(quick non-starbucks-crappy-coffee-related note to miss jom... don't worry! pictures are coming! pictures are coming! when? dunno... but, trust me, pictures are coming!)

A morning without coffee is like sleep. ~ Author Unknown


Blogger Karen said...


I've had those days but love the way you put it...

...misery ~LOVES~ company, know what i mean!


8/3/06 4:33 PM  
Anonymous Joel said...

you didn't hurt the poor f*cker ass dumbshit idiot...(sorry don't know how to do the line out thingy...did you? I'm proud of you - I think - doesn't fall into the same category as chasing down the mailman does it?

love you...sorry you didn't get the triple grande soy no whip mocha.

8/3/06 4:34 PM  
Blogger puppytoes said...

yeah...me too. i needed the mocha. and i reallyreally needed that caffeine! sigh. maybe tomorrow. (and, no, this is decidely not the same as chasing down that mailman... no, really! it's not!)

love you, too!

8/3/06 4:41 PM  
Blogger puppytoes said...

hi karen!

yeah, you're right, misery does love company, tho' i'm not nearly as miserable as that...er...um...idiot at starbucks will be when i get through with him! crummy messin'-up-my-order-starbucks guy (she said, muttering grumpily under her breath)...

hope your day is going better than mine has so far!

8/3/06 4:45 PM  
Blogger schnoodlepooh said...

I TOTALLY 100% (or maybe 110%) Agree with you on those dumbsh*t starbucks idiot barista jerks. That has happened to me several times also. In the drivethrough, the guy gives me my drink and says "oh you ordered the same drink as the person in front of you" I think "ok, well a grande carmel macchiato isn't that odd, I guess" Only after I DROVE AWAY DID I discover that I had a stinkin' grande soy latte w/ extra vanilla! Piece of sh*t. I was pissed. i was also 2 blocks away in stinkin' traffic and i wasn't in the mood to go back, wait in line, just to bitch and complain. So I drank it and bitched to myself and the dogs. It even cost more!!!! That jerk. The reason I had the same drink as the person in front of me is probably because the person in front of me ordered TWICE! Aaaakkkkkk.....

8/3/06 5:20 PM  
Blogger puppytoes said...

or (probably more likely) the dope got it wrong for the guy ahead of you,as well, which meant, ultimately you were both pissed off! cuz once they screw up an order, it seems to create a whole chain reaction of screwed up orders. sigh (but, at least you have drive throughs... wish we did!)

i'm just hopin' for a better triple-grande-soy-no-whip-mocha experience tomorrow!

: )

8/3/06 5:39 PM  
Anonymous Jom said...

It's 'NOT' only coffee...lol...'IT IS COFFEE'!! that was hoped to brighten your mommy's day..

I experienced some similar situations as well..The thing is...there is nothing wrong with recieving the wrong ordered thing ( I mean, it's not that we, human, are going to die with getting something we do not order..but..)...actually it's about the feeling of strongly 'looking forward'for something...and it turns out to be totally different thing from different pole!...Hmm..for example (I'm trying to help you understand human feelings...lol...so that you won't get we wrong ;))...for example, you really look forward for a piece of pizza from mommy...but it turns out that you finally get...ahh..hmm..fuzzy-butt special food!...err..yeah...I guess.. ..it's just like that..:D

About the pictures, nah...don't worry about them, take your time ;) no need to be hurry (I'm here all the time...lol) (Thanks!)

8/3/06 5:42 PM  
Blogger puppytoes said...

hi jom!

i think i understand what you're saying... and you're completely right. i do get frustrated any time my mommy and/or daddy tries to sneak a treat that's not the delicious thing i want! i usually blame max when that happens, not because it's his fault, but because he's, well, you know, max ; )

have you encountered "order" problems in england? that would surprise me, cuz the english seem so capable and polite. although, they're not exactly known for their coffees, are they? tee hee

as for the pictures? thanks for understanding! but, trust me, they are coming, oh yes... they are coming! (if not today, then tomorrow for sure!)

hope you're having a wonderful day! thanks for coming to "see" me!! when you're through with school (and before you go home), you should come to our country and see me in person! seriously, you could come and stay with my family... i know they'd love to meet ya, too. and we live really close to a place called new york city, tho' i've never been there myself, i hear it's interesting... : D

8/3/06 6:39 PM  
Anonymous maxxypawd said...

hey....i think i know that stupidsh*ttybangbangbarista. he's from bakersfield (they raise 'em there - i think its in the water - and no doubt relocated to your end of the country when i got off the friggin' freeway to go back and him give him seven pieces of my p*ssedoffrightouslyindignantfrothingthruthenostrils mind after he gave me the wrong drink and i reallyreally NEEDED the right one.
happily i haven't had this problem here in new brownexico (why don't you come back here and we'll go get coffee together : )

8/3/06 10:21 PM  
Blogger puppytoes said...

i just might do that! (come back to new brownexico... or you kids could just come here--set a spell--take your shoes off-- drink coffee)

did the guy at starbucks in bakersfield used to work at wendy's? cuz i can sure remember some stupidasssh*ttydumbf*ck who couldn't figure out how to give us small 2 small orders of chili using large chili cups--remember? the only good thing about wendy's is the fact that it's really tough to screw up a frosty. yay for frostys! (tho' they hardly take the place of a well-prepared triple-grande-soy-no-whip-mocha, do they? no. they do not)

lovelovelove you tootootoo, sis!

8/3/06 11:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hehehe….so you generally blame max…not because it’s his fault but because..he’s max! :D…I’ll try to understand that…lol

No no no…I didn’t come upon that ‘order’ problem in England. Actually, most of them happened when I was in Thailand (but not in Starbucks…I guess it’s because this ‘special drink’ is so expensive, compare to our cost of living in Thailand, that they didn’t want to create any waste! (basically they would ask me twice to ensure your order…lol!)

Oh…and about English coffee…err… you’re completely right!...not only coffee they not exactly known for…but also…err…their food! :P That’s why I have to cook everything by myself (including coffee :P) My parents would be very happy because when I graduated I’d get an additional degree…lol…( Major in Development Studies…Minor in Cooking!)

Thank you soooo…much for kindly inviting me. I really want to visit you, but I’m not sure if my parents would allow me to do so…besides your country’s a long long way far from here! Actually, I visited your country once…hmm…maybe 10 years ago…all I can say is…you have a very beautiful country and the best amusement park! ;)

BTW, I think I have to go now…I’ll have a lecture within 5 minutes…fortunately the class room is right opposite my accommodation!

Have a great day!

9/3/06 4:02 AM  
Anonymous joel said...

have you checked out your technorati ranking lately? wow.

love you

9/3/06 10:34 AM  

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