this one's for you, busymom! (i'm sure you'll thank me--or smack me--someday!)

thursday. cleaning day. blah blah blah. since bobo, max, and i are once again stuck upstairs while hazel (not her real name) tidys up downstairs, i thought i might, perhaps, deliver on one, or more, of my promises to discuss something more interesting than felled trees/fences, heavy winds, naps, and/or greenies. so... let's talk about sex. or, at least things of a sex-ish nature.

in the spirit of full disclosure, the inspiration for the next little bit of rambling came after i heard mommy laughing out loud while reading 4busymom3 this morning (from a post she made last night). apparently busy mom's busy daughter was studying for some kind of religious exam, when the question of circumcision came up. conveniently (for me), mommy's sister's book about (gasp) private parts has a whole chapter dedicated to circumcision, filled with all kinds of interesting factoids (not that any of 'em relate, i suspect, to the conversation busymom was having with the studious busy girl, but that's beside the point). i, of course, could give a rat's ass about such things... in the canine world the subject of penises rarely comes up (get it? up?? HAHAHA!), but apparently, many of you humans find this stuff fascinating (or, so i'm told). here goes:

a few fun facts about circumcision (source: skin flutes & velvet gloves by the veryveryvery smart 4dr. terri3-- and a wee bit o' commentary by me)

prior to 1870, christian babies were not circumcised in america. period. the practice of removing the foreskin from the penis owes its popularity to dr. lewis sayre, a physician often referred to as the "columbus of the prepuce" (prepuce means foreskin. so he was the columbus of the foreskin. there's yer dream nickname, huh?), who claimed to have cured a young boy of paralysis by simply stretching out the child's foreskin and snipping it off. following that alleged success, this guy and his merry band of circumcision crusading colleagues decided that circumcision was the end-all cure-all for the following diseases: epilepsy, convulsions, paralysis, tuberculosis, hip-joint disease, hernias, eczema, poor eyesight, elephantiasis, idiocy and insanity. of course, much to the the good doctor's foreskin snipping dismay... all this soon turned out to be false.

didn't matter, tho', because he next convinced victorian mommys and daddys that tight foreskins put their young laddies in a continual state of sexual arousal--resulting in... you guessed it! masturbation. lots and lots and lots of masturbation. naturally, this didn't sit well with all those up-tight victorian-age parents, so, they allowed their young sons to be separated from their foreskins in order to avoid that most dreaded of all diseases in the history of mankind, i.e. mastubatory insanity. mastubatory insanity... (kind of rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? your honor, my client pleads innocent due to mastubatory insanity...)

okay, that's it for the history-ish lesson... but, just so you don't have to leave empty handed, here are a few more interesting tid-bits:

1. circumcision cuts off more than 3 feet of veins, arteries, and capillaries; 240 feet of nerves; and more than 20 thousand nerve endings. (whoa.)

2. the average size of the adult foreskin is about 15 square inches. roughly the size of a 3 X 5 index card. (double whoa.)

3. after infant circumcision, the average male when grown, has lost 51% of his penile skin. in some men, the number may be as high as 80%. (holy crap)

4. the male foreskin has a richer variety and greater concentration of nerve receptors than any other area of the penis... making it the most erotically sensitive part of the organ. (and you people cut these things off?????)

5. circumcision is the most common surgical procedure in America. In the US, 3,300 baby boys are circumcised each day; one every 26 seconds...

and, finally... apparently, over the years, doctors have gone back and forth on the whole circumcision issue... to cut or not to cut...what to do what to do what to do? but as of 1999, the american academy of pediatrics sagely decided that routine circumcisions should not (not) be done on all boys... and--here's the very best part--they also recommended for the first time in the history of this oh-my-god-i-can't-believe-you-people-do-this-to-your-poor-children procedure that boys being circumcised should be given something for pain relief during the procedure. ya think?

now, i don't know about you, but after scanning through all this information, i'm having to sit here with my legs crossed... i've just this very minute realized the ewww factor of the subject i selected. i think i'm gonna have to go bury my head under a few pillows for awhile, this has just been too much for one puppy girl to absorb. of course, if i haven't filled your heads with enough imagery to last the rest of the day and/or if you're itchin' for a different kind of science lesson (and, even if you're not), check out 4bobo banjoey3... hey, haven't ya heard the old saying? that everyone learns something new every day? well, kids... here's a chance for you to double your odds of doing just that! whoopee.

"Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, "I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em!"? ~ Bill Watterson