dear blogger-dot-com...

i really wanted a relationship with you. and, lord knows, i've been trying for the past few months to do just that. really, i have. i mean, i find most of your templates pleasing and fairly simple to use. in addition, i appreciated the fact that signing up was such a snap! i was able to get my first post up immediately. i have, thus far, truly enjoyed this blogging experience. but if you don't get some of the stinkin' glitches out of your system soon, blogger-dot-bitch-dot-com, i'm afraid i'm gonna have to take my bloggery business elsewhere. here's just one, in a series of long and frustrating reasons why:

today, i tried to log on at 7:11 am... but was unable to do so until 10:03 am. i'm almost certain it should not take nearly 3 hours to log on any website, let alone, yours. i have cable access, for chrissake. but it did. then, just to make matters worse, it took another 10-15 minutes for me to access my "dashboard", and another 30-40 minutes to actually get into this page, in order to post. finally, when i was able to start writing, i typed my little heart out, only to have my worms dashed to their deaths on the bloggy rocks below when you, once again, shut the f*ck down. imagine my dismay as i had to endure another onslaught of error messages while desperately trying to save a few of my paultry worms to another page. by the time i got back to an actual posting page, i had completely forgotten what it was i wanted to say in the first place--tho' i do recall it was important and incredibly witty. i've never told you this before, but i am often what you might call, content challenged, so, as you might surmise, losing my worms on any given day is a huge pain in the ass. i don't like it. not one little bit. and don't even get me started on what it's like trying to download pictures and/or artwork... trust me, you do not want to go there.

please. for my sake, and for the sakes of... others who are not me, fix this shit. otherwise, i will have no recourse but to take the one reader who is devoted to me (and you know who you are, dadddy), step out onto the very big and very scary internet super highway, stick out my thumb, and accept a ride with the first agreeable blogging forum willing to pick me up. and i'll do it. oh yes i will. and, just so you know? i am thisclose to landing 4here3 so i can be near daddy, who's already cheating on you, 4here3. do us both a favor and get your act together, blogger-dot-screwing-with-my-fragile-nerves-dot-f*cking-dot-com, or this puppy-girl is history! history, i tell you... history!

"Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks." ~ Author Unknown