whose freakin' toes do i have to bite?

last night my mommy and daddy did what they always do, they sat on their favorite couches in the family room, ate their favorite mexican take-out (enchiladas especiales with beans & rice... which looked delicious), and watched their favorite television programs on their big-ass hdtv (whatever that is). now, since saturday, they've been watching the law and order: criminal intent marathon because, apparently, vincent d'onofrio is such a fun actor to watch and his character is the smartest man on tv (actually, they also seem to think this about the character william peterson plays on csi but i digress). anyway, the other show they seemed to enjoy a great deal was something called arrested development. it must be funny, because every time they watch it they laugh and laugh and laugh. last night was no exception. i like hearing my mommy and daddy laugh and laugh and laugh, so imagine my dismay when i overheard them lamenting the fact that this particular program has been cancelled! what's up with that?

actually, the cancelling of good shows is, according to mommy and daddy, something that occurs wa-a-a-ay too often. my mommy, for instance, has never stopped bitching since something called dead like me was dropped. how can they do this???? she whines. what's wrong with those stupid people at showtime? don't they know an amazing show when i see one?? i'll never get over this! (and i don't think she has).

so my question is this: whose freakin' toes do i have to bite to A) get someone to change their mind about cancelling one of my people's favorite shows? and B) whose toes do i need to threaten in order to ensure the following shows are NEVER cancelled:

1. the daily show

2. deadwood

3. house

4. grey's anatomy

5. the colbert report

6. the office

7. west wing (as long as the writing continues to be snappy)

8. south park

9. robot chicken

10. law & order: criminal intent

there are plenty more shows that my people would be sad to see cancelled, but this list seems long enough for starters. and if you think they watch wa-a-ay too much tv, you are, of course, right. but since my daddy works in television, i think they're kind of justified. okay, so he works in news, but then, doesn't that mean he needs a good break from reality from time to time? yeah, i think so, too. i heard mommy works in tv, too, but i don't think she's been interested in taking on any new projects since i came into her life. come to think of it, maybe that's why. i'm a pretty good project, don't ya think? (some folks might think she hasn't worked for the past few years because of the boys... but that's just silly).

oh, and before i forget, i'd like to know one more thing regarding my people and the things they like and the toes that need biting... whose toes do i need to bite in order for my daddy's favorite teams to play better next season??? if the dodgers, rams and lakers don't at least wind up in the playoffs, i'm gonna have to do some serious nipping, because the dodgers and rams completely disappointed my daddy this year, and i'm not confident the lakers will do any better. oh sure he works in ny and should, therefore, be root-root-rooting for local teams. but he's been a die-hard dodger/rams/lakers fan since he was a wee little lad, and old habits are hard (if not impossible) to break. so listen up you guys... i'll be watching... and if any of you players had any idea what kind of damage i can do to a throw pillow, you'd be quaking in your nike/adidas/whatevers.

"By ignoring a lot of American culture you can write more interesting stories. Unfortunately, if you were writing about America as it is, you'd be writing about a lot of people sitting in front of television sets." ~ Richard Russo (courtesy BrainyQuote)